1. Put off unpacking for as long as possible.

2. Watch the Travel Channel in tunnel vision.

3. Avoid all local news. Look up the weather for where you came from every morning.

4. Keep all the souvenirs you bought for other people.

5. Go to Red Lobster and order a pina colada. Put an umbrella (or a bird) in it.

6. Skip every social engagement for the next year with the excuse that you’re still jet-lagged.

7. Make a mix CD with every awful song you heard during your trip.

8. Pitch a tent in your house for an instant escape.

9. Redecorate your home with shit from World Market and Pier One.

10. Annoy your friends by saying at so-and-so place I did this and ate that and pretty much met way cooler people than you.