I’m obsessed with beets, but there’s something unnatural about all that red juice. They’re like the vegetable version of Bunnicula. Nevermind, that makes no sense. Yes, I love them as much as Bunnicula. Wait, he loves them just as much as I do.

I wonder if Tolstoy could have predicted we would be reading most of War and Peace on the can and on the subway. / Why not? Those are the places where you’re kinda forced to read stuff you don’t want to.

I think I found my calling: matchmaker and job placer. Except finding better partners and jobs for other people may secretly depress me in the end and leave me jobless and alone.

Did you actually enjoy this Bolano book?….Better question is did you actually read it? / I kinda skipped to the good parts, which means I can’t read it for two more years until it gets wiped from my memory. / Fyi there are no good parts.

After I watch a 3D movie I find the real world strangely lacking. / I know the feeling. It’s the same after I watch a Ryan Gosling movie.

What are you thinking about right now? / Pizza.