Archives for category: office space

I have a boss who likes to:
(a)  Misdial people’s numbers and blames you for giving him incorrect numbers.

(b)  Only reads half of the spreadsheet you provided him and registers himself for the wrong courses and blames you.

(c)  Tells you that you shouldn’t have emailed him asking for his advice, but doesn’t want you to make any decisions.

(d)  Tells you that they don’t have time to train you, that you are just supposed “to know.”

(e)   Calls you at home around 10pm because he just didn’t have time to micromanage your project during normal business hours.

(f)  Suspends you for posting a nasty email written by him on facebook that didn’t say the name of the company and used generic first names.

(i)  Says comments like “You aren’t into older men, are you??”

(j)  Blames you for not reserving a hotel for him when he didn’t tell you he needed one.

(k)  Makes you drive across the city to unlock a door that has already been unlocked (by him).

(l)  All of the above.

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some of these sound fx make me feel like I’m malfunctioning.
But that is real life.

listen to this and pretend you are a spy.

listen to this and pretend you are a cowboy riding a horse.

listen to this and pretend you are a robot (your job expects you to be anyways, right?).

lazy blog of the day:

another day, another day stuck in a cage.

you can just soak in on all my comments and nonsensickles. sickle sells.

crispin dreamz donuts.

trent reznoir is the new black.

i want to make money from just making up words, like a rapper.

it’s not selling out when you’ve got nuthin’ to sell or you haven’t sold anything.

man of tai chi.

boyz to menx.

pokiez monroe.

i like how people just take things from my desk without asking when they ask everyone else. i guess i don’t count as a person since i’m a receptionist.

you should wear blue face.

and sneeze so that the blue makeup falls on the person who is taking my stuff.

i’m afraid to stand up in the office because i have on kind of a slutty outfit today.

it’s fashion week – ironically slutty or weird are the only ways to go when you can’t afford designer clothes.

my computer is moving at the speed of life – slow.

meet your quota and quit.

something to get you through the day NSFW…….

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happy fashion week, y’all.

i wish i had a job where i actually choose to be in a cage.

And so begins the cycle of life – amazing weekend, followed by a shittier-than-average Monday at work. If the foolproof ”1-2-3 serenity now!” doesn’t work, try these helpful hints (New York edition):

Go to any douche-bag store in Soho blasting crap music, and scream at the top of your lungs. No one will hear you.

Walk down any seedy Brooklyn neighborhood and just dare sleazy men to catcall you. You’ll be prepared to make grown men cry and/or keel over in pain. Carry a knife, just in case.

Take the train all the way down to Coney Island in the middle of the night. Either score some really good heroin or get stabbed. Misery over.

Disclaimer: These tips aren’t meant to be taken seriously. Life is precious. Enjoy the highs and lows while you can. “You just gotta keep on livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.”

If all else fails, drinking til you pass out or banging a hot guy/girl always helps 😉

in lieu of a proper raise and year-end bonus. works every time.

almost. only on fridays.

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