Archives for posts with tag: trash

a cross between tom cruise:


and robin williams:


= tombin cruisiams


there are worse things in life than misery right?

sorry, i just can’t “fake it” anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess i am just genetically superior to everyone who follows orders and obeys…..what were the aliens thinking when they matted with us?

10.  when the dirty truck/van drivers slow down their vehicle from 60 mph to 5 mph just so they can stare at you (in a Mona Lisa-esk way) as you walk past them.

9.  standing really close to you and whispering the word “sexy” as if they were undressing you with their words.

8.  “heeeey, you Koreaaan?  i’ve never been with a Koreeaaan gurl before….” (yes, i guess that’s all you need to say to someone to win them over….)

7.   “america’s next top model—-Tokyo.”

6.  “your legs are looking good this morning.” (and yes, a catcall on the way to work…. 8am)

5.  when an old man from Chinatown sticks his tongue in and out of his 2 fingers at you on the subway.  (myyyy god…)

4.  whistling, hollering, making cricket chirping noises, etc.

3. someone giving me a catcall in the dead of winter while i was wearing a huge unisex Paddington bear coat (do they just assume ANYONE is female…..and attractive?)

2.  when they try to run you over with their car while you are jogging outside.

(annnnnnndd………drum roll please……….)

1.  “i’m gunna cum in yo mouuuuth.”

I found these actual listings while I was job hunting online:

1. Riverbat Mascot = $12.00/hr, NO BENEFITS

2. Psychologist III – Asian American Specialist

3. Gardener – must pass a strength and agility test (like the olympics)

4. Police Officer – University Police

5. Mad Scientist (ok i made this one up)

6. Bilingual Channel Supply Demand Manager = Position requires candidate to Speak, Read and Write Portuguese fluently. Spanish is a plus. (so basically you need to be trilingual)

7. Data Mining Scientist (WTF??)

8. Male Voiceover = This is for a local 30 second TX political campaign commercial. The candidate is a republican.

9. Nude Art Model 4 Charcoal Class

10. Help Illustrate My Haunted House Ideas

**Note to self: I should have gone to med school like my parents told me. doh!

i looked deep into my crystal ball, and found out what the menZ would be wearing come fall. trendZ include: sequin face masks, mouse ears, chesticle cutouts, transsexual linebackers, big pimpin selling used cars/rolexes, frozen beards, just bummin around yo ain’t nuthin to see here, standing on my soapbox with my nips hangin out, wrapped in fluffy ballZ of cotton

these male models at jean paul gaudier threw down in a good ol’ fashion runway brawl. we’s mean biznez; talk to the ‘stache!

to be completely serious, gary-fuckin-oldman schooled all these mail-order modelZ at prada. try striking this pose, bitches. where my oscar at?

p.s. sorry for the misleading title. this post has nothing to do with billy zane but plenty to do with facial hair.

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